Ugly

Why have I failed?
With the corner of my mouth
I breathe out strength to ugly butterflies –
You are not alone.

I don’t care how fat I get
Or if the sweat dripping down my face
Will ever be washed with love
Like rotten wood waiting to burn out
Shamefully into eternity.

That’s the only way to reach eternity.

I forgot the location
Of my secret drawer
Where I used to keep all the leitmotivs
Of a premature castration of the mind.

So if everybody leaves me
It makes no difference.
Unchanged, unnamed, I spill over
Into overrated satisfaction
And unfounded confidence
Just like every time.

When alone, no one can leave me